My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
