mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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