last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
