ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
