My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
