i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
