I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
