it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
