Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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