We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
