in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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