You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
