She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
