My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
