All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Randomize
