I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
