Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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