I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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