Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
