my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This is the high leading the old right now
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
