I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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