youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
