OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
