He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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