Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
