I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
