Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
