I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
