i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
