After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
