what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
