She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
