So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
