What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
