hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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