I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
