She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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