she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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