It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
