You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
