Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
soo... how was my night?
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