There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
