oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
there was a trapeze. enough said
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
