I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
