I wish I could teleport
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
