moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
