I'm really into asian looking animals
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
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