I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
