I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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