cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
