you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
