let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
