You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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