Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
