his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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