What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize