Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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