They should really pass out barf bags in church
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
