Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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