we have officially lost it.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
