he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
