Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
