porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
