No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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