Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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