so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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