Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
