you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
