idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
