After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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