Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
